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Now that you’ve reached your baby’s first birthday, you may be feeling more capable of returning to your social life again. But how much is left of your ‘old’ social life and will you even be interested in being part of it now that you’re a mum?
Let’s look at the different factors and groups of people that could determine your social life from now on – you’ll need to adapt these to your own social situation as everyone is different.
Your age and the age of your friends will have a lot to do with your social circle now that you’ve had a baby. If you’re a teenager and don’t know anyone else with a baby, then life will be very different in comparison to a mum in their mid-late 30s who has mostly mums as their friends. Don’t worry if you don’t know many or any people with babies – mums always meet other mums!
Whether you’re single or in a relationship could affect your social life. If you’re looking for romance and are finding it difficult to meet people who are interested in both you and your baby, then consider signing up with a dating site such as Match Affinity .
If you’re in a relationship, then of course sometimes you’ll take it in turns to leave the baby at home with your partner whilst being able to socialise with your friends, but don’t forget to make time to socialise as a couple as well.
Are you a working mum?
If you’ve gone back to work, then you might consider your work colleagues to be part of your social circle. You’ll have to cut down on those regular after-work drinking sessions, but there are always lunches and coffee breaks to have a natter with your mates. If they have children then great, but if they don’t then you’ll probably relish the opportunity to talk about something non-baby-related!
Are you a stay-at-home mum?
If so, there’s no reason to be a lonely mum. It can get pretty claustrophobic and isolating if you allow yourself to stay in all-day, every-day with your little one. But it needn’t be that way. Find out where your local mother and baby activities are being held, whether they be in the form of a yoga-class, a playgroup or a babies and prams exercise class. There will be loads of other mums there who will be equally as desperate as you are to discuss what’s going on with your babies and to swap tips and tricks to make life easier on yourselves.
If you have existing friends who are couples, then they can make up a great part of your social circle. Some may already have babies of their own, so will be fully sympathetic to your need to stick to your baby’s timetable. They probably won’t mind coming round to your house for dinner rather than a crazy night out on the town. Couples who do not yet have a child, but are thinking about it in the not-too-distant future, will either be fascinated or totally put off by your experience. Either way, they’ll appreciate finding out as much information from you as possible.
Hmm, this is the difficult category. Even if you were in an extremely longterm relationship before you had your baby, you were probably still very capable of socialising till all hours with your single friends. But now that you have a baby, you might find (but certainly not everyone experiences this) that you have a lack of things in common with your single friends anymore.
You might be deeply hurt as they drop off the radar and you stop being invited to things because they assume that you can’t come. Or equally you attempt to meet up and find that they can’t really empathise with your situation. Sometimes your single friends are extremely willing to meet and chat to you, but show little or no interest in the baby. This can seem a little offensive or insulting at first, after all you have the most beautiful baby in the world, so why isn’t everyone else as interested in he or she as you are? The answer is that they simply aren’t. It’s not their fault, it’s not your fault and it’s certainly not the fault of your little angel. However, they were friends with you before you had a baby and it’s you that changed and not them.
This all sounds very negative, but what you have to remember is that there will be times when you’re feeling so fed up about being a mum, or you’re having difficulties in your relationship with your partner and that’s when your single friends are brilliant for making you feel like a normal human being again. You can be reminded how brilliant you are by someone that knew you inside out before you became a mum.